here's where it gets tough

So yeah I have a new probability assignment that I cannot get written down. All round this class has been kinda' shitty already. By "cannot get written down" I mean I've worked with people in the class about the solutions to the problems but I can't seem to get my own understanding of the solutions. Some of the problems are solved in a suplement that someone in the class found online, but the solutions given there are just the same. I can't fully understand them. Sure, I could just copy them down but that wouldn't really be doing me any good. In fact it would probably be doing more harm than good even if I lose points for giving a wrong answer when writing down the correct answer would get me those points because when it comes time for the exam I wouldn't have a fucking clue.

So basically for the last three hours I've been trying to no avail to understand the solutions, and every time I've tried to write out the solution for handing in and every time I have to stop and go on to the next problem because I find I haven't a clue really what the solution is.

It's a really shitty feeling. In the other classes I actually know what I'm doing...for now. I have a Linear Algebra take-home exam that's due on Friday at 1:00pm but I teach and have classes from 9:00am til then so I have to get it done Thursday night at the latest and this shitty probability homework is due Thursday at 8:00am and tomorrow is teaching and classes all day.

Basically it's things like this that make me apathetic. There's always some goddamn fly in the ointment.

I wan't so much to give a shit about it even when it's like this. But, you know what, it's just not there.