developments
dropped the probability class officially last week, but didn't go to it at all the previous week since I had a Linear Algebra take-home exam that was occupying all of my time. Barely got the teaching done, my students certainly didn't like me that week. The last week was better and this week is easy (for me, not for them) since it's a testing week. So i only have to teach two out of the three days. Tomorrow is just a review day so basically I just ask for questions and if they don't ask any right away I just stand and stare at them like a perturbed teacher--i've grown to like playing that role (it's about the only fun in my week)--until someone breaks the awkward silence by asking to look at some problem and I launch into explaining to them how to solve it. Then after a while I give them some review problems to work on and I usually sit there pretending to be working through them too, and most of the time I actually am, since otherwise when it comes time to work through them together I might get tripped up by one of them and that's not good in this sort of class because the students are like sharks or wolves or something: you show them any fear or whatever and they pounce.
Overall teaching is the least of my worries though right now. I have lots of homework to do and no desire to do it. Frankly I don't give a shit about the problems. I've tried to force myself to sit down and do them but I can't get away from the fact that my mind doesn't want to work on them. I guess its like a sort of math block or something. It's more like a blindness. Up until a few weeks ago I could either see a route to a solution ("see" it as one "sees" a route in one's mind from point A to B, with various legs of the trip) or if I didn't see it I was able to evaluate the possibilities and eliminate them and process them until one proved to be a success. Now I can't even see the possibilities and keep getting dead ends right at the beginning. I've experienced this before and it never ceases to amaze me how others misunderstand this. Anybody here (i.e. my fellow students) I talk to about this doesn't understand it, ironically--they're all too smart for that. The last time this happened to me was in Budapest, and it's why i decided to focus on philosophy instead of math. Look how that worked out. If this doesn't clear up soon it's going to get interesting: another take-home exam on monday and an Analysis homework due on the same day.