exam

had an analysis exam today. overall it went well i think but i did completely blank on one of the more involved problems (that required one to give a complete proof of a simple result--all but one of the other questions were short answer type questions). I stared blankly at it for like 7 or 8 minutes (keep in mind this was just an hour (i.e. 50 minute) exam) and then decided to move on. So i ended up being rushed on the other involved problem, but I think I gave a complete solution for it--or rather complete enough for the requirements of the exam. This is why I hate exams, the pressure of having to perform freezes my mind. All through it I knew what I needed to do but just couldn't get myself to write it. If I had had the same problem as a homework problem I would've gotten it done probably in not much more time than would be required to get it on the exam. On Thursday there is a probability exam, and a homework due on Tuesday. All the while I've been neglecting work on one of my classes that has been all review material until now. The new stuff is a hell of a lot more interesting but it takes a lot longer for me to understand. This is going to be a really full working weekend. Linear Algebra and Probability tomorrow, and hopefully get to work on the new Analysis homework on Sunday. Thankfully there is a Math department picnic on Sunday afternoon--with free food and, yes, free beer. I'm there.

another one done

I just completed another probability assignment. Not much to say about it but I don't understand this material with any kind of real understanding. Other classes going well though, for now. I've fallen into a routine here and it is less than exciting each day. Hence the lack of blogging; contrary to my anticipations. I was home last weekend. I got home on Friday night and went for a long walk around Hillsboro. The trees were beginning to change color already in H-boro--they are just now doing so here in Lawrence. As I was walking I actually managed to write a few lines of verse, which I will not be copying down here.

As far as teaching is concerned my afternoon class has become a real drag. Nobody asks questions so I end up getting through the material really quickly, and when I pause for questions or even ask a question right out I usually end up standing there for 30 seconds. When I try to get them to do group work on some problems they just fidget awkwardly like they don't understand what I'm saying. And at that point of the day I have no energy to keep myself going, let alone keep 23 students who don't want to be there interested.

here's where it gets tough

So yeah I have a new probability assignment that I cannot get written down. All round this class has been kinda' shitty already. By "cannot get written down" I mean I've worked with people in the class about the solutions to the problems but I can't seem to get my own understanding of the solutions. Some of the problems are solved in a suplement that someone in the class found online, but the solutions given there are just the same. I can't fully understand them. Sure, I could just copy them down but that wouldn't really be doing me any good. In fact it would probably be doing more harm than good even if I lose points for giving a wrong answer when writing down the correct answer would get me those points because when it comes time for the exam I wouldn't have a fucking clue.

So basically for the last three hours I've been trying to no avail to understand the solutions, and every time I've tried to write out the solution for handing in and every time I have to stop and go on to the next problem because I find I haven't a clue really what the solution is.

It's a really shitty feeling. In the other classes I actually know what I'm doing...for now. I have a Linear Algebra take-home exam that's due on Friday at 1:00pm but I teach and have classes from 9:00am til then so I have to get it done Thursday night at the latest and this shitty probability homework is due Thursday at 8:00am and tomorrow is teaching and classes all day.

Basically it's things like this that make me apathetic. There's always some goddamn fly in the ointment.

I wan't so much to give a shit about it even when it's like this. But, you know what, it's just not there.

Being a student in a state school, I have today off--from teaching and going to classes that is. However, I should be working on writing up my Probability Theory homework. I've got most of the problems solved but now I have to actually write up the solutions in format. There's also a bunch of Linear Algebra needing to be worked on. But today there's a M*A*S*H marathon--until 2:00 am. Luckily I've seen most of the episodes before so I can sort of just put it on as background noise while I'm working.

Last night I ate supper at one of my Indian friend's apartment. Unfortunately I don't remember all the names of the dishes, but it was all really good. I'm going to try to get her to teach me how to make them, but I don't know when either of us is going to have time. The Americans at this little gathering were in the minority--just me and one other student--so after dinner and desert they all asked about American perceptions of India and its history--and vice versa.

belly-dancing and math and ouzo

So last night I went to a party at which there were belly dancers and ouzo and everybody there was a math graduate student. The belly dancers were the ones throwing the party. Shortly before that we played a game similar to mafia. At one point I was in the center of the room with two beautiful Turkish women trying to teach me how to dance like them. I'm convinced that they must have extra vertibrae or something. My mennonite bones prevented me from moving as gracefully as them. The people at the party were an interesting mix of Americans sitting on the fringes sipping wine and Ouzo and Indians, Chinese and the Turks in the middle. And just outside there were rednecks sipping on bud light and washing a giant red 4x4 pickup.

I just have to say that Ouzo must have a very high alcohol content because I had only one shot and two hours later it was still effective. So I ended up walking about two miles back to my apartment through the KU campus, making sure to dodge all the frat boys wandering around loudly.

Unfortunately I haven't got any work done today. Need to work on probability. There's an assignment due Tuesday. And there are other due dates looming already. A take-home exam on the 11th that I need to prepare for (even though it's a take-home exam all the problems will be derived from the homework problems so I need to work through the homeworks in order to prepare). I don't have to prepare for class until Friday though--just a review day on Wednesday. Though I'll need to do some grading on Tuesday probably even though I have a grader. He's on vacation and didn't get the afternoon assignments collected on Friday.

Today I didn't do much other than take a few short naps and go back and get my car. And grocery shopping. I still have to go to the laundromat--tomorrow probably.